The new season of The White Lotus began Sunday night with a bang. Several of them, actually.
Given that this is The White Lotus, of course, it may be prudent to be more specific about what we mean by “bang.” Mike White’s HBO series has featured an equal number of gun shots—never forget the meme of Jennifer Coolidge wantonly firing away—and all kinds of scenes of coitus over its previous two seasons, after all.
There’s definitely the former in Sunday night’s premiere, which kicks off with at least one gunman shooting up the Thailand resort where Season 3 is set. And, from what we can tell after some squirm-inducing scenes in the episode, there’s plenty of the latter to come, too. That includes—please let us know if we’re crazy for getting this vibe from those bougie Ratliff siblings—possibly more incest???
Before we get to know this season’s coterie of insufferable rich people (in the context of this show: complimentary) and the well-meaning hotel staff they’re inflicted upon, there’s the standard White Lotus business to take care of: a scene-setting death to tease the audience with.
We meet Zion (Nicholas Duvernay), who is visiting his mom at the Thailand resort and having a meditation session with one of the spa workers. She encourages him to close his eyes and breathe, in order to “calm our monkey chattering minds,” which is easier said than done when a series of gunshots break out.
Guests and workers start running and hiding. The monkeys scurry up the trees. Zion instead heads into the melee, desperate to find his mom. He wades through the water and prays to a spiritual statue: “Please, let my mom be OK.” He then prays to Jesus. Finally, he issues another warning to the statue: “Don’t let anything happen to my mother, motherf---er.”
Then we see what we all knew was coming: a body floats by Zion, head down and bobbing in the water. Is it his mother?
Before there’s more context, the episode flashes back to one week earlier, when the vacation began.
A luxury ship transports the new guests to the resort. Our first glimpse is a familiar face: It’s Belinda! The character, played by Natasha Rothwell, is going to Thailand as part of a White Lotus exchange program, traveling from Hawaii—where we met the spa worker in Season 1—to learn the resort’s wellness practices.
Also on the ship are Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) and her much older boyfriend, Rick (a scowling Walton Goggins). She’s lounging and taking selfies. He’s wincing at the sun and smoking a cigarette.
A group of middle-aged girlfriends, who have known each other since they were 9 years old, are giddily gabbing. Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) is some sort of Hollywood actress, and she’s treating her BFFs Laurie (Carrie Coon) and Kate to this vacation with a goal to reconnect.
And then there’s the Ratliffs: Timothy (Jason Isaacs) and Victoria (Parker Posey), and their three children.
The oldest, Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenegger), works for his dad and might as well have “trust fund d------bag” tattooed on his forehead, that’s how obvious it immediately is. Middle-child Piper (Sarah Catherine Hook) is writing her thesis on Buddhism and wants to interview a monk from the temple, which is the reason the entire family has been carted—begrudgingly, it becomes apparent—from their North Carolina McMansion to Southeast Asia.
Lochlan (Sam Nivola) is graduating high school and needs to decide whether he’s going to attend UNC Chapel Hill, his mother’s alma mater, or Duke, where his dad went. “You can imagine, it’s a whole thing,” Victoria quips, with Posey speaking in a Southern drawl that is immediately my greatest obsession in the world. She swans through every scene in a fog of prescription pills, a half-grin on her face and half of an awareness of the chaos happening around her. An instant icon.
They’re greeted by the hotel general manager (Christian Friedel) and the glamorous Thai owner, Sritala Hollinger (Patravadi Mejudhon), a glorious diva of a woman with no qualms about flattering the Hollywood-famous Jaclyn, promising her and her friends special treatment on the trip.
Everyone is then shuttled off to their villas, where they deal with different levels of culture shock.
The Ratliffs—specifically, Timothy and Saxon—are not pleased to hear that the hotel is a “digital detox area” and they’re encouraged to surrender their phones for the week. “We will be keeping the phones, Pam,” Timothy tells the attendant. As he, throughout the episode, fields calls from a Wall Street Journal reporter asking questions about his business ties, it’s clear why he’s so keen. Victoria, on the other hand, balks at the suggestion of a biometrics exam that will be used to personalize their wellness plans. “I don’t want to take a test. Is it complicated? We’re jetlagged,” she says, as will I any time I’m asked to complete any task in the coming future.
When they learn that two of the siblings will have to share a room, Piper cheerfully offers to bunk with Lochlan, to which Saxon has a jarringly outsized reaction. He insists that Lochlan share with him, because “brothers and sisters don’t sleep together after they have full-grown...genitals.” Saxon’s preoccupation with having Lochlan and his full-grown genitals in a room with him is made weirder and more uncomfortable when he also protests in jealousy when Lochlan wants to go to visit the temple with Piper instead of go swimming with him.
At their villa, Rick’s mood hasn’t brightened any. Chelsea is a babbling ray of sunshine and positivity, in stark contrast to her beau’s cantankerousness. Her well-meaning suggestions for activities is met with incessant scowls, particularly after Rick asks their attendant, Mook (Lalisa Manobal), for information about the hotel owner’s husband, Jim Hollinger. It turns out, he had been sick and went to Bangkok, infuriating Rick who clearly was planning on some sort of sketchy meet-up with the businessman.
Later at dinner, Chelsea tells Rick, “I think the cosmos brought us together so we could get to the root of your issues.” When he harrumphs yet again, she takes one last swing, “Want to do some tantric later? Will that make you happy?” He eventually storms off, leaving her alone at the hotel bar, where she meets a model who has been living nearby with her similarly much-older, balding, and cranky boyfriend.
She points him out and—Oh my god! Gasp! Clutches chest!—it’s Greg (Jon Cries), the ex-husband of Jennifer Coolidge’s Tanya who orchestrated her killing in Season 2!!! Twist!!!!!! Aaahhh!!!!!!
What is he up to? Why is he there? Will Belinda recognize him? It’s too early to tell. But not too early to, once again, say, “Aaahhh!!!!!!” Belinda, you in danger, girl.
The three gal pals spend the entire episode competing in the Olympics of Compliments, with Jaclyn and Kate in gold-medal running for their escalating exchanges of “you’re so beautiful” and “no, you’re so beautiful”— while Laurie mainlines chardonnay.
They finally give Laurie some compliments about her corporate-world bonafides and her daughter, Laurie’s halfhearted response to which indicates that those areas of her life are not going well. Later, when she goes back to her room and looks at her friends chatting, she lets out a wail and a sob. So yeah, it’s safe to say that something’s up with her.
Belinda, meanwhile, just can’t believe her luck that she gets to spend three months living at this hotel in Thailand. She’s especially excited for son to come visit. The second she mentions him, my heart sank through my chest, down my leg, out my foot, and down to my apartment building’s basement. Is Zion, who heard the gunshots in the opening scene, her son? And is she the body he sees floating in the pond? Bald, evil, Tanya-ex Greg, are you behind this? It would be devastating if that’s true.
But we need to end this recap by talking more about these Ratliff siblings. The icky vibes are off the charts with Saxon, especially, but kind of with all of them. When Lochlan joins him at the pool, Saxon tells his brother how “those long plane rides make me so f---ing horny” and shows off by flirting with all the women sunbathing—none of whom pay him any mind.
Later, at bedtime, the brothers have what can only be described as pillowtalk. First, Saxon tells Lochlan that he’s worried about their sister, but the reason is…not what you’d expect a sibling to say: “She’s pretty hot, but I don’t think she’s been laid before.” He promises Lochlan that he won’t have to worry about that: “You’re smart and good looking, Loch. Sure, we gotta buff you up a little bit, but you’ve got so much ammo…Get laid, get everything. I’m gonna help you.”
Then he takes out his iPad and asks Lochlan what kind of porn he likes. Just when you’re terrified that he’s about to suggest they masturbate together, Saxon says, “How the f--- am I gonna j--- off with you in here all week?” He decides to go to the bathroom to take care of business, revealing as he gets out of bed that he is already butt naked, and swaggers over to the bathroom with it all on full display.
Even stranger than the naked peacocking is that Lochlan is staring intensely at him the whole time, which Saxon, clocking him in the mirror, seems to enjoy. Thankfully, he turns around and shuts the door before any pleasuring is done. But the vibes, well—the vibes are incesty! Maybe if The White Lotus hadn’t already gone there last season (sort of), it wouldn’t be our initial thought. But now it’s all we can think about.
And so the big questions of the season are no longer who died and who killed them? It’s even wilder: Are these brothers going to bang?
