Another Sunday, another round of The White Lotus madness.
After last week’s incestuous sibling drama and Tim Ratliff (Jason Isaacs) contemplating offing himself (and the whole family) every five minutes, I thought the show had officially hit peak insanity. And yet—here we are again, proving that no one can out-crazy The White Lotus.
This week’s episode had it all: a horrendous first date, a savage fight between everyone’s favorite blonde divas, a failed con, a family whose father can’t stop thinking about killing them all, a brother-sister temple bonding session, and finally, a sexual proposition that involves, you guessed it, more incest (Mike White, you are not seeing heaven).
Titled “Killer Instincts” (an ironic name, considering these characters have some of the worst survival instincts I have ever witnessed in a show), Sunday’s night episode proves once again that the best way for viewers to digest the absolute madness that is The White Lotus is through memes—the internet’s true universal language. So, let’s laugh, cringe, and collectively wonder what the actual f*** is happening at this resort with a roundup of the best White Lotus reactions.
Gaitok and Mook’s Failed Date
Oh, Gaitok (Tayme Thapthimthong), you sweet summer child. You are too pure for this world.
This week, Gaitok, the most innocent and ineffective security guard in the world finally got his first date with Mook (Lalisa Manobal), and it was a disaster. During the date, Gaitok reveals to Mook that he did not get the promotion to become a bodyguard, but it’s all good, since he doesn’t think he is a “fighter” anyway.
“The Buddha condemns violence,” Gaitok says to Mook on their date. “I never want to hurt people.”
Rather than think highly of Gaitok’s commitment to his morals, Mook shames him, essentially telling him “to be more of a man.”
At the very least, Gaitok finally realized the Russians are the robbers from Episode 2. Of course, most viewers already figured this out, but hey, better late than never.
Laurie Versus Jaclyn: Part 2
The girls are (still) fighting.
Last week, Laurie (Carrie Coon) got testy with Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) after learning that she had sex with Valentin, the hot Russian hotel worker who Jaclyn kept pushing her to sleep with.
This week, the two battle it out over a particularly tense dinner, where Jaclyn goes for Laurie’s jugular, hitting her where it hurts the most (her career and failed marriage).
Hurt and upset, Laurie heads to the Muay Thai fight where she meets up with and later hooks up with Aleksei (the other Russian). Post-coitus, Aleksei begs Laurie for $10,000 dollars, turning her supposedly fun fling into a mortifying experience.
Rick and Frank are Terrible Liars
Why didn’t they at least Google Sritala’s (Patravadi Mejudhon) filmography before going into this con?
Rick (Walton Goggins) and Frank (Sam Rockwell) flail about during their meeting with Sritala, where they pretend to be a Hollywood producer and director interested in casting her in their new film.
It was so bad that I genuinely think 5th grade me lying to my teacher about why I didn’t have my homework could have come up with a more convincing story.
Tim Ratliff’s Killer Fantasies Need to Stop
Tim Ratliff keeps daydreaming about taking his wife out in a murder-suicide scenario, but this time, he includes Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenegger), his eldest son, in his violent fantasies.
Lochlan and Piper Bond at the Buddhist Temple
No one trusts Lochlan (Sam Nivola) around his siblings anymore, especially not after the brother-on-brother incest scene from last week. So, people were understandably nervous watching Lochlan stay the night at the temple with his sister Piper (Sarah Catherine Hook).
Honestly, the entire Ratliff family should just join the monastery at this point, because they are in desperate need of some spiritual healing.
A Sexual Proposition That Would Make Oedipus Proud
This season really loves its incest.
At Gary/Greg’s (Jon Gries) party, Chloe (Charlotte Le Bon) tells Saxon that Gary/Greg wants to catch them having sex, as its one of his fantasies.
As a kid, Gary/Greg’s parents would leave their bedroom door open and have incredibly loud sex. Young Gary/Greg would stand at the door and “just watch his dad go to town on his mom.” So now, he dreams about watching his girlfriend with another man, just like he used to watch his parents (I’m sorry, what!?).
Shockingly, Saxon is not into this and very quickly turns down her sexual proposition, before scurrying away in horror.
Who knew Saxon would turn out to be the most normal person in this show?
The White Lotus finale is next week, and it will likely be the show’s most unhinged episode yet. So, with that in mind, we will probably see you next week with another batch of memes to help you get through the insanity.
