One of the beautiful things about The Real Housewives of Orange County is that it’s been on air for so long, we get flashbacks in different aspect ratios. Even better, given that the show’s been on for an eternity, is that Shannon Beador finally got in a zinger… for the first time?
So much happens tonight, don’t get me wrong, but the single funniest moment is Shannon calling Tamra “Tamra Grudge,” leading the entire cast and Andy to snicker and admit “that’s a good one,” like a baby just said its first words. There’s something so satisfying about the hushed whispers of a reunion stage, those mics reaching far beyond the ASMR abilities of the most fervent TikTokers.
The Orange County Housewives have reunited in full for the first time since the lie detector test burnt Katie to a crisp, and it’s exactly as vicious as you’d expect. The nastiest Housewives are ready to set fire to everything that’s come before on a cotton candy set with a mismatched rug. Seriously, we couldn’t have splurged for a prettier pattern? Maybe one that actually reaches the end of the couch? Vicki Gunvalson left and took the class with her, apparently.
Speaking of, even the OG of the OC catches a stray at this reunion. Tamra Judge may not hold grudges, or so she says, but she’s quite the Housewives historian. She remembers everything that’s ever happened, and she’ll deploy it with glee. Too bad she’s unaware she’s about to be blindsided with a taste of her own medicine come reunion’s end. That’s showbiz, baby.
In the OC, the only reunion night guarantee is Tamra will scream so loud a window will shatter, and everyone will go home in worse spirits than they entered. So, Tamra forces Shannon to reveal she once recorded Vicki Gunvalson during a tense argument with her boyfriend, Katie tries to nail Jenn to rights on (allegedly) saying Shannon asked production to give Katie’s orange to Gretchen, and Heather admits she doesn’t trust Tamra simply because she’s inherently untrustworthy.
Everyone’s in the gutter, once more, but no one’s going for the kill quite like Tamra. Her strategy at this reunion is to be as abrasive and nonsensical as possible, something that might not work so well with the others, but works great for me. It’s so much more entertaining than “tail between my legs, let me apologize for things I don’t believe” Tamra. Contrary to popular belief, the reunion is not only a place to make amends—it’s a setting to start fires and wars everywhere.
After all, it was Tamra who used the reunion to launch Lizzie Rovsek into orbit, acting so rude the newbie had to exit stage left in tears. Tamra’s takedown of Gretchen at the Season 8 reunion juiced what was left of the blonde Barbie’s orange. The reunion stage is where Tamra coined “THAT’S MY OPINION!” and revealed Alexis Bellino’s kids almost drowned in a country club pool while Jesus Jugs took selfies.
Since her comeback, Tamra has approached the reunion more pragmatically, spending the past two desperate to get back in good standing with the women she scorched all season. These days, the only Fs Tamra gives are faith, family, fitness… and fighting. She tells Shannon to shut up at least five times, and squashes every cute moment with the grimace of a woman scorned.
Even the fan questions are spicier, a real callback to the good ol’ days of 4:3 TVs.
“Katie, there seems to be a feeling in the group that you were tougher behind everybody’s back than at group events. Crystal in St. Louis said, ‘Why don’t you say to the girls what you say in your confessionals?’” Andy asks, before Katie replies, “I should.”
Tamra interjects, “A lot of people should.” That kicks off a juicy little argument between her and Emily, who has randomly become the Judge and jury’s latest victim.
“I don’t, what does that mean?” Emily stutters.
“Well, why do you think I’m talking about you?”“I don’t think you’re talking about me, because I say things. So who are you talking about?”
“You say a lot of things in your confessionals… about me. Like, I was like—or behind my back. Or with the other girls. I’m like, wow.”
“That I don’t trust you?”
“No, you said that to my face.”
When Shannon interjects, she’s hit with yet another “shut up!”, each one a little funnier than the last. Shannon has a face built for exasperation. Part 1 covers very little substance and still manages to be great, anyway, which is a testament to Tamra’s stank attitude.
Of course, they do rehash Katie’s fallout with the group, basically summed up as “you lie a lot,” to which Katie argues for her First Amendment right to lie whenever she wants on TV. They also dive into Kiki Monique’s claim that Katie called Gina racist, which does lead to a decent apology on Gina’s part. And they dip our toes into the waters of “did Shannon and Emily try to ice Katie out of the group?”, which production (and the ladies) deny, but isn’t that hard to believe happened in some form.
Ultimately, Katie’s standing in the group is a bit inconsequential at this point. Her arguments tonight land very lightly, in the latest case study that playing the audience won’t exactly do you any favors with the cast itself. Call it the Candiace Dillard-Bassett Special, or the Guerdy Abraira. The worst thing you can deploy to your enemy is indifference, and these ladies have taken that lesson to heart with Katie.
The amuse bouche of the episode is a cast kids segment, which goes exactly as you’d expect. Emily reveals some more private facts about her son, Tamra tells another story about her daughter who has begged and pleaded not to be brought up on TV, and Jenn says something alarming with a smile.
With that, the ghost of reunions past enters the stage in the form of Gretchen Rossi, hair higher than ever, clothes as Party City as they come.
“I love the way you dress! There’s a thought process. It’s a little costumey, in the best way,” Heather offers in the most nice-nasty display of suburban interaction this stage has seen all night. Someday, anthropologists will study the Real Housewives to understand the 21st century way of sparring.
That sets the stage for the final(?) match between Tamra and Gretchen, a real reunion at the reunion. These women have been fighting since the days of standard definition, and they’ll brawl into every form of new media there is. They’ve already implemented Chat GPT into their arguments!
Flashbacks from the 2000s to now wash over the screen, the ladies going down memory lane to recall Gretchen’s greatest hits (and Tamra’s greatest hits back). Who could forget the Season 8 engagement between Gretchen and Slade, which has still not surmounted to a marriage? Even Andy says, “I always thought it was because you wanted to get married on TV and have Bravo pay for the wedding,” which leads Heather to laugh in the most malicious fashion.
As the episode comes to an end, a vicious brawl emerges. Tamra sits across from her feud partners of past (Gretchen), present (Jenn), and forever (Shannon), all of whom try to get a jab or two in. Switching from a concerned, semi-sincere voice with Jenn and Gretchen to the demonic “I’m not talking to you!” voice with Shannon, Tamra proves she can handle a 3 vs. 1 about as well as anyone.
And it ends with Tamra recalling Gretchen’s alleged affair on Jeff, the elderly man whose arm she entered the show on, a lovely callback to the feud that shaped the Real Housewives into the franchise it is today.
Nothing will be solved at this reunion. In two weeks, Tamra will remain on the outs with half the cast, while Katie will remain a distant memory; Gretchen will do her best to prove she doesn’t hate gay people, before waddling off screen for the next 12 years; Shannon will be shut down every time she speaks; and Emily will continue to pretend she has sex. Gina will continue her demonic possession of Bravo headquarters and renew her contract forevermore, and such is life.
The Real Housewives of Orange County have long been stuck in a state of purgatory. Their reunions are not now, nor will they ever be, a kumbaya. I mean, you have to respect that everyone’s doubling down in their hatred after a season in which the fans launched a most visceral witch hunt. Give it 12 more years and this footage will be fodder for yet another reunion, perhaps in an aspect ratio we haven’t even unlocked yet.
For now, we’re left with the promise of two more weeks of nasty in-fighting, ending in Tamra Judge breaking down in tears. Until then…
