Is an apology still genuine if it comes three weeks late? Is a boat ride the most productive place to have a tough conversation? Is a “classic Greek salad” really a classic Greek salad if you omit feta?
These are just some of the questions I’m ruminating over after the penultimate episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, one so good it may have positively recontextualized every episode before it. Finally, after weeks of meandering, the ladies have dropped (almost) all pretense to deliver a ruthless bloodbath of epic proportions in the form of a trial at sea.
It’s the culmination of four years of Sutton surviving as the group punching bag, preceded by a pretty telling omen. Kyle and Garcelle show up to the first dinner in the same ugly dress, not only representing that their bad styles have finally synced up, but representing the dichotomy between Sutton’s friendships. Kyle and Garcelle may act similar on the surface, but who really has Sutton’s back?
It’s a question that has ruminated in the background for a while, as Sutton and Kyle continuously describe having a stronger friendship than we’ve ever seen on screen. Rarely has it actually become a topic of conversation, though, until now. Finally, Garcelle is putting her spoon firmly inside the pot and stirring when people are actually around.
At dinner, she starts by asking Kyle why exactly they have to tiptoe around discussing Morgan Wade. Kyle does what she always does, pretending her situation with Morgan is simply private, despite the fact tabloids regularly snap photos of her at the gas station.
“Does the paparazzi really follow her everywhere? Everywhere? I mean, Julia Roberts can go out without being trailed. Kyle Richards can’t?” Garcelle pokes in a confessional, but in the moment, the ladies let it die.
It’s the frustrating passivity RHOBH has become known for, dropping balls left and right as cast members either fear the reaper (Sutton) or abhor the concept of making good TV (Erika). But this time, something exciting happens: Garcelle calls Sutton out.
When the ladies go back to their rooms, Garcelle and Sutton have their first true fight (if you don’t count their small Season 10 tiff over Garcelle asking her where she got her money from). Here, Garcelle takes Sutton to task for constantly accepting little breadcrumbs from Kyle, questioning why Sutton suddenly wants to mind her own business after making such a stink before.
Part of it comes down to the fact Garcelle sees these women as coworkers and Sutton sees them as potential friends. Part of it comes down to Garcelle’s more adept social skills, clocking that Kyle uses Sutton more as a pawn in her game than a true friend. And part of it is that Sutton often operates as the loud-mouthed lackey of the duo, and if she’s compromised by an unearned loyalty to Kyle, Garcelle can’t snipe from the side as sufficiently.
It’s an interesting disconnect, one that shows how real Sutton and Garcellle’s friendship has become, and how stilted their dynamic is with Kyle. Even as Sutton and Garcelle intentionally set out to strengthen their bond with Kyle and forge a new alliance, the closed and dishonest powers that be simply rebuked it. She’s out for herself and herself only, at this point.
You never want to be on an island with just Kyle on your side—and certainly not a boat.
But that’s exactly where Sutton ends up, sent out for a brutal trial at sea masterminded by Erika Jayne. The seeds are planted at that first dinner, where Dorit shares that Sutton has been “particularly mean spirited” the last few months, calling back once again to the sister circle.
Sutton never should’ve said a thing about sisters and circles. These ladies have brought that up at least a dozen times to point out her hypocrisy. The horse has been beaten to a pulp. It’s dead. Beyond dead. (Note: Dorit doesn’t understand the analogy “beat a dead horse,” as discussed in the Season 12 reunion #RHOBHNewsandFacts).
It’s a comical thread running through all the issues the ladies have with Sutton, one that exemplifies her fatal flaw: her overly earnest demeanor. If Sutton simply cared less, she’d be in a much stronger position. But alas, she wanted some sisters, and she got some. They just hate her.
Even as she apologizes to Dorit for the Caviar Kaspia scuffle, Sutton gets nowhere. It’s too little, too late for Dorit, clearly. I mean, obviously Sutton’s apology isn’t the most sincere, kindhearted thing I’ve ever heard (and is invalidated by her confessional where she said she stands by and is proud she called Dorit poor), but at the same time… why ask for an apology if you have no intention of accepting it? What exactly does Dorit want from Sutton if she, like Sutton, has no affection for the other?
When the president of Dorit’s fan club, Boz, can’t even justify her behavior, you know Dorit’s truly at her Doritiest. The conversation between Boz and Dorit helps their friendship feel less lopsided, and it’s one that drops hints at potential issues down the road. It’s a big episode for inner group mutiny, which is a huge positive on the RHOBH front.
Sure, Boz is happy to fight Dorit’s battles when she sees the group through her eyes, but eventually she’ll have her own perspective. There will be newbies she’ll know just as well as Dorit does. She won’t be a sidekick forever, and I get the feeling she’ll be much more interesting once she’s less tied down.
Alas, that’s something for next year. For now, we have the seaside sacrifice of Sutton to attend. It’s one she opens the door to, unknowingly, calling back to her apology from the night before. Although Sutton reiterates how genuinely sorry she feels, Erika cuts her right off.
“You know what I have noticed? I have noticed that you are very critical and sometimes very… not the most compassionate to women that are going through the worst time of their lives. I felt it with myself. I watched you do it to Kyle. And I’m watching you do it to Dorit. You pose as a friend, and then oftentimes work as an enemy.”
“Wow,” Garcelle mumbles.
It’s a brutal beatdown, one Erika waited all season to deliver. She loves to spend an entire season on the sidelines just to come alive on a boat, evidently. But, just as ill-fated as she was in her Hong Kong duel with Dorit back in Season 7, she’s horribly misguided here.
Sutton and Erika spent Season 12 working toward a better friendship, and Season 13 locked in a cold war. To now reveal she’s still disgusted by Sutton for things that happened years ago is just tired, especially when the Erika of Season 11/12 certainly earned that hazing—and was cool enough to take it on the chin back then.
Now that she’s back to feeling confident and happy, with a house that she thinks looks good, Erika has no time for the group’s underdogs, whether it’s Sutton or Garcelle. It’s always nice to see villain Erika, but the return solidifies my belief it’s her time to go. We’ve gone around this circle many times before, and the boat has to dock at some point.
If this is the end, at least we get a great ping-pong match.
“I’m basically a terrible person, and-” Sutton says.
“I did not say that!” Erika responds.
“You said that eyeeeeigh am unkind to wom-en who are going through, and at their baddest points.”
“You are! In this group… absolutely.”
“No, you said to women.”
“Women in this group. Don’t get semantics! I’m not talking about the whole f---ing universe. I’m talking about this universe right here.”
“Well, You didn’t say in this group. You didn’t say in this group. You said women.”
“Well, what am I supposed to f---ing say?”
“She means this group, obviously. That’s what she said,” Kyle retorts.
“Well, I didn’t take it as obviously. I heard women,” Sutton replies.
“So what did you take it as?” an exasperated Erika says, again.
“Women in the world!”
“Okay, now you’re being ridiculous. I meant these women. So let me clarify.”
“What do y’all f---ing want from me? Seriously, what do you want from me?”
It’s a great dialogue for many reasons, one being the plethora of pronunciations of “women” offered to us. This would be a great dialogue to give some Oscar-winning actress on Watch What Happens Live, Andy. Happy International Women’s Month!
And just as Sutton gets a point in her ping-pong match, enter a new challenger: Dorit. Believe it or not, the child of the world is still stuck in the same location, annoyed with Sutton’s many mean comments. Here, she asks Sutton point blank: “Do you want to move forward?” to which Sutton slams the ball back in her direction with a swift no.
It’s a refreshing move that shows Sutton is growing the backbone she desperately needs, and one that finally breaks this monotonous stasis. I’d much prefer open animosity to fake civility. That only gets us so far, as seen with Erika.
What’s most interesting is how Kyle and Garcelle hang Sutton out to dry, both clearly annoyed with the other. Kyle’s mad at Garcelle for prodding at Morgan, surely feeling Sutton’s in cahoots with that. And Garcelle’s mad that Sutton didn’t have her back before, now choosing to sit this out as revenge.
In doing so, they leave her entirely stranded to the brutal court, pronounced guilty of serving too hard for RHOBH standards by the jury.
This tees us right up for what should be a great finale, as Garcelle vs. Kyle hits the forefront while Sutton fights her final boss battle. It’s very confusing to me that this season is ending on this trip, especially given we just got here, but I guess everyone wants a bite of those RHOSLC nachos.
This is my first and last time using that analogy, but let me just say: None of you will ever have a finale like RHOSLC Season 4. Have some class and bring it back to Beverly Hills for a “diamonds and divas” party or something. These season-ending trips are disgusting to me.
